Nonchalance and an Awkward Response

I think it’s weird when you encounter someone once and all of a sudden they expect you to say hi to them every time you see them. Some people just can’t think of a good way to get to know someone without being awkward. It’s funny how this particular relationship turned out. It can be quite a mystery game…

“Put on a shirt you w****,” yelled one of the soccer girls as the football players walked out of the locker room. He walked directly towards her and I was sitting beside her as well.

“Don’t you know how f****** hot it is? Oh yeah you don’t because you’ve never had to wear pads,” he replied. Meanwhile I’m trying to avoid probable embarrassment in front of the entire football team so I just mind my own business and put my soccer gear on and say hi to a couple boys on the team. He just continues to act like that same old popular guy, talking to all of my friends, and all of his friends, right in front of my face. Then he decided to say hello. “Hey, Sydney! Sup?” He walked around to the other side of me and continued to talk to his friends while I slowly but happily said hi.

My ears began to block out what was happening right then, but somehow a few minutes later I heard a voice. “She won’t lie to me.” I recognized the voice as his and turned to see him kneeling in front of me with his back facing me. “Can you read what it says on the back of my neck?” Suddenly I stopped. Now I’m no genius but from what I figure they spent a good few minutes talking about what some other popular fool wrote on this fool’s neck and he totally used a sly move to involve me in the conversation. We’re talking about a guy who hardly gets the chance to say hello to me on a daily basis. I must say, it was pretty clever of him to say that, considering he chose not to just ignore me, but somehow the awkwardness got to me.

All I could speak was, “um… okay…” as the other students shouted out what was written. It obviously wasn’t anything special, just a heart and a few letters. I just couldn’t believe what I had gotten into. My friends had brought him close by for friend like reasons and he stayed there building up the courage to talk to me. Ha?

Too bad it didn’t last. Not that I care. That’s when practice started.

At the end of practice, everyone had cleared out and I was the only one left in the parking lot waiting for my ride. But then I saw it walk out of the locker room and towards a door to the school that was a good 20 yards behind me. I knew he was going to walk in it. And he did. But he saw me. And I saw him (he doesn’t know that). He turned around.

I felt it coming. It was creeping up behind me in that nonchalant way. And I finally turned my head to sneak a quick peak. It leaned on the fence beside me. I almost died laughing but hid it with a sweet smile and shy look in the other direction, almost rolling my eyes. But it’s a proud thing. He has the guts to do that, and carry on with a curious conversation. Even more hilarious is that awkward moment when you have to leave and he goes back to where he was headed before leaving you to realize that he had come over playing “the cool dude” card just to talk to you.

Well, I obviously can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve even arranged my routine to fit yours so I could see you more. I get frustrated when we don’t speak, and I get frustrated when we do ‘cause I never say what I’d like to. But it feels different. I don’t get all tingly when I think about you. My heart doesn’t race. I do however smile with wide eyes and a dropping jaw ‘cause I’m in awe of what I’m feeling, but I can’t put a name to it. I feel like we’re just strangers with the constant chance to wink and say hello.

RANDOM QUOTE: "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."

RANDOM ICON:


Because my name is... <3
-Sydney

"Just Be Yourself"

Hey everyone,
It's been a long time since I've posted on the blog. Maybe it's time to write again. haha...what do you tihnk?

Anyways, I was thinking about a discusion I had with my teacher the other day after she realized that I was  upset by a comment another classmate had made to me about the fact that I'm not like everyone else (but obviously my classmates haven't been told this, so they just see me as 'different').

Lets call this classmate Eli and the teacher Ms.M. Okay, so we were doing a reading circle where as a class we go around the room and everyone reads a part of the book, or in this case short story. There's the option to pass if you don't want to read, and in the past years of of school I usually chose this, but starting a new year and in a effor to challenge myself and grow as a person I decided to actualy try to read when it was my turn. When I read I have to do what some people may refer rto as finger reading so that I can fololow where the wrods are in the line where we're reading. Eli made an initiel comment that I was reading too slow and too softly, so I tried to be louder AND faster (that was the harder part) as I continued on with the paragraph. I thought I was doing well, but then he has to point out that I'm finger reading...now, this wouldn't be so bad if he had just asked me, but the fact that he pointed it out the the entire class mortified me...obviously. Come on now....we're in 11th grade, it's NOT necesery to put someone down like that. URGH. So anyways, Ms.M said I could leave the room if I needed for a minute since I was clearly embarrased and upset by his remark, so I went to the bathroom and then just hung outside the room for the last 5 or so mins of class...

Since the class after this was Lunch, Ms.M asked me to stay and talk with her for aminute once everyone else had left. I think it really helped since obviously she's noticed that I finger read, I read slower than other people, and I'm well..different. I don't know if teachers know all of the medical things with students, but now she knows I'm dyslexic. I'll be honest, I try my best to 'hide' the fact that I'm dislexic in school beacuse I don't want to have any different treatment then other kids...but, teahcers are smart and obviously I can't completey hide this fact. I mean, it's part of who I am. Although, we talked a lot about the fact that I can't let other people's comments get to me, but that she knows how hurtful and mean his comment was, the one thing that I'll always alwayas always remember her telling to me is this: "Just be yourself"

She told me that I can get extra help on readings anythime and that she's going to have a talk with Eli, but not outright disclose that I'm dyslexic. So, I think it was befeneficial to talk with her and now she knows why I stuggle in her class, but that I do truly want to be successful with my reading and writing this year.

Okay, so that was kind of scattered, but it was definitely a important part of my junior year so I thought i hsould include it in the blog. Thanks for reading.

Quote: "Out of darkness comes a rainbow."

Life Goes On

Here's a poem that I wrote for my friend who is having a difficult time with her Mom right now.

Life is hard
Stress from school
the low grades
worrying about failing
the distractions all around
Parents don't understand
times. have. changed
but Life goes on

She may yell at you
telling you your faults
but in my eyes
you're perfect
just as you are now

Moving past is hard
the negativity
the yelling
the cursing
You're strong enough to move past
Life goes on

One day you'll show her
how strong you are
even when she may not see it herself
when she overlooks you
and thinks only of herself
Life goes on

Be persistent
Believe in yourself
You can be anything you want
She can't hold you back
Life goes on
I'm here for you
forever
always
until I die

<3

I think what inspired me to write this poem is all of the nights my friend would call me or IM me crying about how her mom was treating her. I always feel tremendouse pain for her and everything I hear about that's happening. I can only wonder how she (and her sister) manage to always seem so happy at school, when they are constantly put down by their own mother. the person who's supposed to be there to bring you up when you're feeling down. All I can do is give them my support and be there to listen.

Quote: "In three words I can sum up all I've learned about life: It Goes On."

First Day of School

Welcome back world,

My first day of school was a little chaotic. It was no surprise considering no day is normal for me.

First of all, I happen to be a genius when it comes to anonymous texting. Now walking in the hallways being greeted by 50 people who you’ve been pranking throughout the entire summer without giving away your identity makes it a little hard to keep a straight face especially when you hardly ever get that many people to notice you in the first place. Meanwhile I’m running around the hallways with my soccer stuff on and banging on my locker to get it open after 10 tries, throwing things all over the floor. Wow crazy. But if there’s anything you can learn about me it’s that I AM crazy. And I like it. However, I always run around with a smile on my face. Fun times.

But school isn’t all fun in games. I got homework on the first day -_-. What kind of cruel, heartless teacher would do that? A male one. HA! Okay I’m not trying to be stereotypical or rude here but it’s true, he was a guy.

Even weirder, after so many days of ignoring MCSG, I find out he has the same lunch as me. Again. And he literally stared at me the whole time with those beaming eyes and his head leaning on his hand. What’s weird is this “Mr. Popular” can talk to so many girls straight up (while being all flirty and leaning against the lockers) but he can only bring himself to give me a quick toothless smile and a wave after all this time (which I unfortunately could not avoid so I waved back). That was after school, and after avoiding the “guy move/sideways head turn” at me, the smiling, the staring, and the walking right past you in the hallway while you flirt with all the other jocks incident. What is it with jocks? MCSG, the football player, should tell us cause that’s literally the only people he talks to. That’s so cliché of popular cliques. I’m so screwed. You see, the problem is, I don’t know if I hate having MCSG around O_O. One of my friends thinks “he totally likes me” and said “awe Sydney! You like him!” Do not.

            “I deny that possibility.” - Me

“It’s 100% impossible that that could even be possible.” – Me

Major *Sigh* moment: I spot a super cute boy. He looks back and I shy away. He noticed me! I look again and we meet eyes for just a second. Later, I walk by him and he walks right on through, without a care in the world, as if I didn't exist and I'm "just that girl" again. 

Anyways that’s a basic update. I’ll post again when I get my creative juices flowing and my mind out of the “Sunday Lazy Day” mode. Welcome back to fall as we leave the summer sun behind and move into the cold season.

RANDOM QUOTE: "Sometimes I wonder what you think of me or if you think of me at all."

RANDOM ICON:

-Sydney