Nonchalance and an Awkward Response

I think it’s weird when you encounter someone once and all of a sudden they expect you to say hi to them every time you see them. Some people just can’t think of a good way to get to know someone without being awkward. It’s funny how this particular relationship turned out. It can be quite a mystery game…

“Put on a shirt you w****,” yelled one of the soccer girls as the football players walked out of the locker room. He walked directly towards her and I was sitting beside her as well.

“Don’t you know how f****** hot it is? Oh yeah you don’t because you’ve never had to wear pads,” he replied. Meanwhile I’m trying to avoid probable embarrassment in front of the entire football team so I just mind my own business and put my soccer gear on and say hi to a couple boys on the team. He just continues to act like that same old popular guy, talking to all of my friends, and all of his friends, right in front of my face. Then he decided to say hello. “Hey, Sydney! Sup?” He walked around to the other side of me and continued to talk to his friends while I slowly but happily said hi.

My ears began to block out what was happening right then, but somehow a few minutes later I heard a voice. “She won’t lie to me.” I recognized the voice as his and turned to see him kneeling in front of me with his back facing me. “Can you read what it says on the back of my neck?” Suddenly I stopped. Now I’m no genius but from what I figure they spent a good few minutes talking about what some other popular fool wrote on this fool’s neck and he totally used a sly move to involve me in the conversation. We’re talking about a guy who hardly gets the chance to say hello to me on a daily basis. I must say, it was pretty clever of him to say that, considering he chose not to just ignore me, but somehow the awkwardness got to me.

All I could speak was, “um… okay…” as the other students shouted out what was written. It obviously wasn’t anything special, just a heart and a few letters. I just couldn’t believe what I had gotten into. My friends had brought him close by for friend like reasons and he stayed there building up the courage to talk to me. Ha?

Too bad it didn’t last. Not that I care. That’s when practice started.

At the end of practice, everyone had cleared out and I was the only one left in the parking lot waiting for my ride. But then I saw it walk out of the locker room and towards a door to the school that was a good 20 yards behind me. I knew he was going to walk in it. And he did. But he saw me. And I saw him (he doesn’t know that). He turned around.

I felt it coming. It was creeping up behind me in that nonchalant way. And I finally turned my head to sneak a quick peak. It leaned on the fence beside me. I almost died laughing but hid it with a sweet smile and shy look in the other direction, almost rolling my eyes. But it’s a proud thing. He has the guts to do that, and carry on with a curious conversation. Even more hilarious is that awkward moment when you have to leave and he goes back to where he was headed before leaving you to realize that he had come over playing “the cool dude” card just to talk to you.

Well, I obviously can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve even arranged my routine to fit yours so I could see you more. I get frustrated when we don’t speak, and I get frustrated when we do ‘cause I never say what I’d like to. But it feels different. I don’t get all tingly when I think about you. My heart doesn’t race. I do however smile with wide eyes and a dropping jaw ‘cause I’m in awe of what I’m feeling, but I can’t put a name to it. I feel like we’re just strangers with the constant chance to wink and say hello.

RANDOM QUOTE: "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."

RANDOM ICON:


Because my name is... <3
-Sydney

The Ugly Truth

Would you rather I be mad because I know the truth, or be mad because I don’t? Would you rather I be mad for you not telling the truth or someone else be mad because you did?

It sucks when life brings you to a point when it’s time to choose between your best friends. It sucks when life brings you to a point where you can’t trust the one’s you’ve trusted most all the times before.

There is no, “it all depends.” You’ve got to choose left or right and live with that decision for the rest of your life without turning back.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

How does this relate to me? Well, you see, I have a group of a few close mutual friends at school. Unfortunately, where there is a “group” there is secrets because often times everyone talks behind your backs. What’s even worse is making a promise to keep a secret, especially when you absolutely can’t keep them. Promises are most often broken. You can easily see how this could lead into what I was just saying about choosing between friends. I agree with Sadie. 1) Why do people make promises they can’t keep? 2) Some things just push you over the edge and 3) Crying helps. Who wouldn’t cry if you and your best friends were slowly splitting apart? Even worse, they might be taking your other friends with them.

All I wanted was some answers and a little less “Drama Queen.”

To continue…

There’s this boy, right? Of course ;). Said boy doesn’t like to make himself clear. Ask him anything!

Question: How are you?

Answer: I don’t know.

Question: Are you okay?

Answer: Maybe.

Question: So anything exciting happen today?

Answer: I guess.

Question: Do you like ____?

Answer: I don’t want to answer that.

Question: Why won’t you answer that question?

Answer: I don’t know.

Question: Do you seriously want me to be mad at you for not answering me?

Answer:

(Later that day)

Question: Hey what’s up?

Answer: Are you seriously wearing those shoes…?

Dot dot dot…

Boy likes girl. Girl is SO oblivious. Girl likes to talk about how girls like boy. Boy likes to disagree. Boy says more boys like girl than girls like boy. Confused yet? Anyways, it just so happens that this boy is right. More boys like this girl than girls like that boy.

Question: So do you REALLY think more boys like her?

Answer: Well, yeah, considering I’m one of them.

Question: WHAT? Are you kidding me?! I thought you were over this!

Answer: Yeah… Why are you mad?

Question: Seriously? Because you like her and didn’t tell me and it’s really dumb that…

Answer: I never said that! What are you talking about?!

Anyways… point proven.

BOYS LESSON #7: ANSWER. Don’t just be difficult. It’s really annoying.

The Ugly Truth is that... the old truth is the new lie...

RANDOM QUOTE: “Best friends listen to what you don’t say.”

RANDOM ICON:

-Sydney

Random Rambles

'Ello World,

Today we had registration for high school. So I went to the school, met up with friends, blah blah blah, completely ignored MCSG (if you didn't read my previous post this stands for Mr. Creepy Stalker Guy) when he tried to catch my attention... Okay hold up.

BOYS LESSON #4: Personally, if I see you do any of the following in an obvious attempt to get me to notice you I will see your obvious signs of interest (unless I'm being a normal girl/guy who can't (ever ever) take hints which is often) crack up laughing and/or think you're a creeper and/or totally see right through your tendency to "play it cool" (which by the way is SO annoying): a) roll around on a chair with wheels screaming, "WHEE!" b) saying hi to a group of friends I'm in that you've never met in your life, c) SHOUT SUPER LOUDLY ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS FROM ALL THE WAY OVER THERE! ! ! d) stand 3 inches away from myface while dramatically staring into my eyes for 20 seconds, e) pull off the old fashioned sideways head turn directly towards me, f) etc. So if you're trying to pass unnoticed, don't do these things haha.

BOYS LESSON #5: If we girls pretend to not notice you and are successful, we win. No if, ands, or buts. So, either boldly run up and directly to our face say "Hey ___(insert name)__!" to get our attention or back off, you lose, and you are only making a fool of yourself by stalking us. (In my opinion of course)

Anyways, I've been going to rigorous soccer tryouts this week, and I just signed up for my dance lessons and a trapeze lesson this weekend. I'm excited! As far as school goes, and summer coming to an end... Well, I still have a week to live like a princess.

I feel like taking life as it comes is much easier.

BOYS LESSON #6: We girls have a right to act like a princess with these conditions: It's our birthday, we are playing pretend, we are in our own little world, and if you're being a jerk. Ha, well, we should be able to anyways.



So school starts in a week for me and guess what? I haven't even started my back to school shopping! There's one advantage to this: Waiting until after school starts to shop means that you hit all of the sales. But unfortunately I only have about 3 new outfits to wear for the first week of school. Don't ask why there is so much pressure to always have new clothes at least at the beginning of school. Apparently... Welcome to High School. We should really rebel against this.

Hey so turns out, I've already started to make a new identity for myself (as far as attitude and... well you know how people classify you in cliques at school? I've just dodged that train). I thought it would be so much more difficult. I just like shaking things up. So generally, I always strive for a new outlook/inlook (is that what they say when somebody is looking at you instead of you looking at the world?). The only bad part about this is many people struggle to figure out if I'm really acting like my true self or just being a little bit different.

And here's a little something I made. Originally I think I was going to use it to cover my binder for school but I decided I didn't want the world to see me as emo (which I must say this isn't a pleasant read). But you can look at it of course!


OH. Originally I was going to make a word art picture of the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song but I got sick of working so I put in different words. This is why you see the words Innocent and Haunting (Innocent and Haunted being 2 of her songs). Speaking of Taylor Swift, her concert is coming up and I finally found a buddy to go with. Yay! 

RANDOM QUOTE: "If we go to school to learn, and knowledge is power, and power is corrupt, and corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay then why the heck do we go to school?!"

RANDOM ICON:

And yes, my next post won't be so random/weird/annoying/totally unplanned. :D.

- Sydney

Drama That You'd Never Tell Your Momma

Hey World,

           

            I feel like my last post was a little weird somehow. But here’s another one that you might be able to relate to a little more. I titled it "Drama That You'd Never Tell Your Momma" because if your mom is anything like mine, she just doesn't understand this kind of girl stuff and if you tell her it will be more like an interogation and "YOU NEED TO DO THIS UGH" then a "oh honny I'm sorry" kind of discussion.

It can be hard to avoid drama with your friends sometimes. What I’ve been going through with my friends is much like a jigsaw puzzle. I’ve been going through a similar thing to what Sadie is going through about her friend ignoring her and not wanting to be friends anymore, except multiple friends are against me. It’s like because of one person, everyone turned against me. It was one person who shared everything I told her to all of my friends (while juicing up the story a little) to make it seem like I was a bad person, my best friend, that did this.

I’m just going to talk about a few little things that burst into a really big deal. This isn’t the full story, as you might be able to tell, but I’m focusing on little details that actually made a big impact on our emotions.

Here’s the bottom line, don’t tell your best friends that you think you’re being replaced and then later tell them that you are now spending more time with someone else. That’s what she did to me and it’s just not cool.

I hate how I shared something special with every single one of my friends, whether that be an inside joke, being the first to know each other in a group of friends, a plan to go on vacation together, communication through email unlike everyone else, or a blog like me and Sadie (who is the only person I’ve ever had a blog with :D), and now it’s not special anymore because each friend spoiled the secrets and gave that special something to someone else too. What hurt me a lot was a friend who I was “twins” with. She became “twins” with my other best friend who happened to be the “best friend” that had complained about me replacing her (which I never did by the way. It was just a rumor that was spread, which is another thing I hate about high school and gossip and teens because they are rarely true and totally break everything apart (another main reason why I’m going through what I’m going through is the spreading of rumors)) and then turned many of my friends against me and replaced me in return. Then another friend starts talking to the person they used to hate when I was friends with them because the “hater” hated me and they became best friends (I hope I’m not confusing you too much with all of the people involved). So all my friends turned against me and we have nothing special anymore and my worst enemies are now friends with my ex friends. Now I’m left with just the memory and everyone is ticked off at me. For life.

A while ago I had my 16^th birthday. One of these so called friends of mine had been ignoring me for quite some time, and this person knew it was my birthday because everyone spread the news, yet this person didn’t say happy birthday to me. Go figure. Now I’m not going to complain about a simple happy birthday but even if this person had told me happy birthday, it’s not like I would think they are trying to be friends with me again. It’s just a nice and unexpected thing to do that would have made me feel really good, especially when all of my other so called friends said happy birthday. Besides, birthdays are supposed to be special and full of surprises. But hey, welcome to high school, where it is absolutely impossible to get around without running into someone you know, as you see them in the halls and classroom all the time, making it extremely obvious that you’re being ignored.

There was another friend that had stopped talking to me as well. Months and months and months had passed and then finally she decided to send me a message forward. After that I got another message saying, “sorry I was really bored XD.” How am I supposed to respond to that after such a long time of not speaking to each other? I was extremely hesitant to respond. All I could think of was that she used me as a second choice to talk to when she was “bored” but she couldn’t be there for the past who knows how many days. All of a sudden, after such a long time, if you decide to talk and expect me to open up like we are still the best BESTEST friends ever, I won’t be quite sure what to do. In fact I’ll be speechless. Yes, it’s a fact that time passing does help the healing process, and it takes time to earn trust back once it’s broken, but how can you trust a person you haven’t spoken to for so long? Who knows what happened to them and what they’ve been talking about. What you do is give a little bit of space then start being there for that person and proving you’re trustworthy again, not just completely let that person loose and come back sometime in the future saying, “HIYA BUDDY!”

I know that my friends talk about me, because once in a while I will get a message asking a question about something and I ask why they want to know and they say they were talking about me, but it just hurts being so isolated just because I actually know what’s going on as they are ignoring me. I know exactly what has happened.

Well, if friends can be a jigsaw puzzle, being “more than just in the friend zone” is a hassle. 2000+ years together, and boys and girls still aren’t on the same page. Sigh.

FLASH BACK

On the last day of school, I recall running into a guy who I barely knew. He was one of those guys that you catch their eye one day and then next thing you know you say hi to each other every day but never really talk to. So he said, “hey Sydney,” as usual with those big beaming eyes and a nice smile, yet in that awkward O_O and :D at the same time kind of way (kind of like those moments when you realize you are right next to your crush with that weird, happy, and tense feeling) so that you could tell he was nervous for some reason. I said hi back, but then he did two really strange things. A) He said (in a really hyper RAWR kind of way) “I’m going to hug you,” and B) are you going to be here next year? Well, maybe these aren’t THAT strange but first of all, that is the most awkward way to get a hug in the entire universe.

BOYS LESSON #1: Don’t ask for hugs. You just let it happen in the spur of the moment, especially if you hardly know that person. I mean if they are sad or extremely shy or something you can politely ask, “would you like a hug,” or “can I hug you?” But otherwise it’s just awkward…

Second of all, what’s it to you if I don’t come back? I should have said I wasn’t coming back, because then what? You ask for some way to contact me? I’m sure you’re thinking I’m acting a little weird for him just trying to be friendly, but this particular guy didn’t have a phone, and I didn’t have a facebook, so there was absolutely no way of contact anyways, AND I didn’t know who the heck this guy was. To me he’s a stranger that by some odd chance goes to my school.

Anyways, that same day, another guy told one of my friends that she looked fat in her outfit. How rude.

BOYS LESSON #2: If a girl asks if she looks fat, she either really thinks she might look fat and trusts your opinion, or she wants to know how you think she looks and wants to hear you say, “no you look great.” Many guys have told me that there is no real good answer to this question, but there is. You either A) use BOYS LESSON #3 which I will list in a second, or B) say she looks fine/good/great/beautiful/etc. Whether it’s hard to believe or not, some girls don’t actually know if they should be content with their weight, and some just want to know what YOU think is a perfect weight, so don’t say, “ugh. Why do all skinny girls have to ask if they are fat? They already know they are skinny.” On the other hand, some girls can be a little obsessive and/or needy when they ask these questions so watch out.

BOYS LESSON #3: ALL insults shall be worded as compliments. For example, “I think what you are wearing is nice, but I REALLY loved the outfit you wore the other day.” If you word it like that, cooties to you, respect for you, and we will appreciate it because if there’s one thing I know, girls love hearing your opinions even if it doesn’t seem like it. In fact, many girls search for your opinions.

That’s all that’s on my mind right now about boys though, so tune in for more in upcoming posts!

RANDOM QUOTE: “Life becomes so much better when you decide not to care. Just live in the moment and don’t let the drama bring you down.”

RANDOM ICON:

-Sydney