Why I Am NOT Looking Forward to High School

To the world,

So I had an eye exam today and it’s official. I’m .5 nearsighted. Now that’s not bad, but it means I need to wear glasses sometimes during school. That will definitely take some getting used to. I tried on some glasses at the eye place today and I’m already frustrated with what they look like on me. Why should I care as long as I can see though, right? But my eyes hurt so badly right now because they dilated them.

I’ve never really been content with complaining, at least to a specific audience that is. But sometimes it’s nice to let out a little “juice.” So grab your straws, world! I swear I will be in a better mood sometime at the end.

“I walked inside a crowded room, and all I saw was me.

I was a ghost and everything around me seemed still as can be.

I heard whispers of, “who is she,” and “what’s she doing here?”

Meanwhile all I that I could think of was how to disappear.”

            - I wrote that one day when I was walking around the school. People didn’t have a clue who I was and I could care less to tell them.

I used to think that nobody ever noticed me. Maybe it was that way before, until I started showing off my own personality and flare in the simplest ways. Now I understand that people do notice me, but they just do not know me. It’s like my identity is simply having no identity. Sometimes I feel like I’m afraid to speak up in high school, just as I’d rather perform in front of thousands of people I do not know than in front of my school friends. There’s just something about school that feels more like work and like you can’t be yourself and be open because of the pressure put on you to blend in with society and peer pressure to be just like everyone else.

            I usually end up grabbing hold of two titles. One, which you already know about, is “quiet” and the other is “weird.” Do you ever feel like people just aren’t giving you the chance to let others get to know you? That and, people can be so consumed in other things that they don’t care to listen and get to know you. Immediately you get a feeling of distance from your classmates.

I was just reading through my journals. A few months ago I wrote to myself, “sometimes it’s like you feel so much that you can’t write or talk about it and you feel bottled up.” Yet, I try to explain.

You know what scares me and/or bothers me about high school? Maybe this is just another “diary of a shy girl,” but here are a few things:

1.    Lots of people, lots of people you don’t know, and even worse, people you don’t know even though they know you. O_O

2.    If you screw something, you live with it and see it every day for 4 years.

3.    People are way too involved with their little cliques.

- At my school we have several cliques: The ASB, and the popular kids that if you talk to them and you aren’t in their group or don’t have a connection (such as knowing a friend from a sport or activity) they will stomp on you like a little bug (not to be sexist. But it’s usually the guys that do this) yet please note not everyone is like this, but many are (stereotypes). Then there’s the “nerds,” or the people in the advanced level classes that never seem to branch out, the nerds that eat lunch in teachers’ classrooms, and the other cliques I don’t seem to know much about, like the “emos,” “skaters,” and what I like to call, “The Musicless Boy Bands.” But anyways, it’s tough knowing that everything is in its own little place and change isn’t an option.

4.    School work, tests, grades. Enough said.

5.    There’s this guy. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty afraid of him. He’s so intimidating and he totally stalks me. He stares at me like a creeper. I mean it’s one thing to catch someone’s eyes for a minute or catch a look directly in the eyes and see their eyes sparkle and smile at me, but when you blankly stare at me for more than 10 seconds I start to get worried. Do I have something on my face? Are you plotting to come and hurt me? Just as bad, are you going to ask me to the homecoming dance? Well maybe it’s just me but I don’t want to go to the dance with a creep who I barely know.

Those are just the things on my mind right now. You know what also bugs me? Friends that seem so uninterested in a conversation and making me do all the work to keep it alive. Sure it can be a back and forth thing with who leads but don’t make the effort so one-sided. I say something and get an, "lol........" or an, "um...okay," and it’s like I said something really weird or bad and you're avoiding me. Sometimes we say those things, yes, but if you do it all the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME, eventually I’m just going to get sick of talking to you if you keep doing so. Lately I’ve gotten SO used to one-sided relationships. It’s so bad these days. I’d be utterly impressed if someone could prove me wrong right about now and put forth some effort. Typical high school lazy friends.

So now that I’m thinking about homecoming, what if you DON’T want to go to the dance with someone who asks you? What do you say?

Ideas for how to turn down a homecoming date:

1.    I promised to go with my friends.

2.    I already have a date.

3.    I have plans for that night with my family/friends/a date/dinner out (anything you can think of)

4.    I’m sorry, I was waiting for someone else to ask, but I can save you a dance.

Do you have any more ideas? Just remember, lying can lead to troubles. Just be honest when saying no in the kindest way possible and things should turn out fine. And don’t EXPECT whoever asks you to be “fine.” They will probably be a little hurt or embarrassed at first.

On the contrary, there are some things I am looking forward to about high school. One is meeting up with friends, and another is BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING! Yeah… that’s pretty much it. Care to share what is exciting and worrying you about the upcoming school year?

                                                                To my dearest Sadie:

                           (Note me making fun of the fact that

                           I have to wear glasses at school next year)

RANDOM QUOTE: “I had my share, blinked away the tears, and now I’m over it.”

RANDOM ICON:

-Sydney